Buzzwords 201- Inventing New Words

In our last edition of Buzzword training, we discussed the type of Buzzer that misuses words in order to elevate their status above your own.

Today, we'll discuss a whole new level of Buzzers. These Buzzers set themselves apart as the elite in Buzzing. They make-up words with the goal of sounding incredibly creative and innovative. It's all about "streamlining", being highly efficient and promoting synergies.

Translation: A Buzzer that makes up a new word is combining at least two words in an attempt to be superbly brief, almost to the point of acronym-speak, and sound very creative.

To further demonstrate my theory, I suggest you get a hold of CBS's How I Met Your Mother Season 4.  You're looking for Episode 14, the Possimpible.  I can't find the video online anymore, but Barney's Video Resume summarizes almost everything I might have to say in the lifetime of this blog.  Wikipedia has a short description here.  It's so utterly ridiculous, yet everyday in business, more and more people are making up words that don't mean anything. I'll start with a short list of the top 5 words I've heard in the past year:

1. Grotate- To grow as an employee while you rotate to a new position. This was thrown out during a meeting about a logo design.

2. Learnbounce- Indicating what an individual learns from reading/studying an object. This was thrown out in the same meeting as Grotate was.

3. Deliverables- The goal or task that an individual must complete. This one is so far entrenched in business vocabulary it might actually make its way into Websters, like "ain't" did. I use it all the time (wince), but when I said this word to a high-school student, they just looked at me blankly. What is a deliverable?

4. Edutainment- Something that educates while entertaining. I heard this during an agency presentation. It wasn't a very good presentation, but it sounded Innovative.

5. Heavy(-)up- I've seen this as one word and a linked word. It means to increase. I heard this first used in the same meeting as edutainment.

What strikes me about all of these words is the inability to just say what you mean in a clear, concise way. Do it like Ernest Hemingway and use short, clear sentences. It promotes effective communication.

Then again, these days, rhetoric is sexier than clear speech. For example, look at the presidential race in 2007. This race was marked by its ability to utilize rhetoric over clear stances on issues, and American's ate it up.

It's hard to be sure if businesses are looking for clear speech and "do-er's" in upper management. From what I can tell, it's a pretty mixed bag.  You've got a lot of really worthy people moving to the top, with reputations for being do-er's.  But then you have a lot of people who tend to live out their Buzzer speech in their work. 

At the end of the day remember- to survive the jungle, you have to be quick on your feet with a Buzzer of any level.  Either out-buzz them or politely poke fun at them. 

Buzzwords 101- Misusing Real Words

I begin this post with a little self-confession.  Most of the things I'm posting about as bad business decisions, I've done. That's why I know they were mistakes.  Buzzwords, one of the things I most loathe in business, are unfortunately a regular part of my work vernacular. It's hard to avoid using them, especially when the person you are talking to will best understand you if you use buzzwords. That said, let's deep-dive into the core values of this holistically written blog post meant to relay a true game-changing initiative. Bah.

Buzzwords 101 is for buzzword novices.  This will teach you how to decipher what a Buzzer is saying to you and how to make them sound like an ass.

First, let's define buzzwords. A buzzword is either a word that does appear in the English language whose definition has been stretched or completely misinterpreted and used in a context for business that doesn't really make sense; or a completely made up word that often tries to fuse two words into one. 

Second, let's define Buzzers.  Buzzers are people who overuse buzzwords in work conversations to make them appear smarter. They attempt to confuse you and put you on a level beneath their own, and hope to sound "innovative", "forward-thinking", and "creative".

Today, we'll focus on some examples of the first definition of buzzwords.  Read the following phrases and see if you can interpret them.

1.  "I need a numeric, metered, graphic representation of deliverables."

2.  "Can you make this a regular fixture in your Monday work allotment?"

3.  "I need to interface with you offline. I'll ping you when I have the bandwidth post meeting about repurposing some material."

4.  "I have an ask. There’s been a disconnect, so let’s deep-dive, be proactive and circle back to add texture to the situation, establish a best-practice and value-add to better leverage and interface this bleeding-edge game-changer and make it more impactful!"

5.  "Good! Lets proactively circle back and leverage our lunch hour face time collaboration metrics holistically. Best practice core competencies and globalization infrastructure are in the pipeline."

OK, here's what these phrases mean in actual English:

1.  I need a chart.
2.  Could you do this every Monday?
3.  I'll call you when I get a chance after the meeting to go over my changes with you.
4.  I'm not sure I understand what you need. Can we talk about the details so that we can get this right?
5.  Good! Let's have a lunch meeting to go over our processes and what the future holds.

To a non-Buzzer, these phrases can be overwhelming. At first, you might feel stupid because you can't figure out what they are saying. You don't want to ask, because that would only flaunt your stupidity to the Buzzer.  This would mean you aren't "forward-thinking".

Yes, forward-thinking is a buzzword, though not nearly as bad as others you'll hear.

When faced with an indecipherable phrase from a Buzzer, you can only do one of two things- join them, or make fun of them.

Once you've learned the buzzwords and the Buzzer lifestyle, it's much easier to out-buzz them, or better yet, repeat what they said in plain English with a slightly snarky tone. For example, in response to the first phrase I shared with you...

Buzzer:  "I need a numeric, metered, graphic representation of deliverables."
Non-Buzzer: "OK...So you need a chart?" (said with smirk)
Buzzer: "Well...yes.  But it really needs to represent the deliverables in a metered, graphical way, with all the right tonality."
Non-Buzzer: "OK. Send me the numbers and I'll build you a CHART." (again, said with smirk)

On that note, tonality. Tonality means either a musical tone or a color scheme.  Tonality does not refer to tone in speech or writing.  Tone in speech or writing refers to the writer or speaker's voice and what it is trying to convey, not tonality.  Look it up in the dictionary. So when someone says they want to make sure the tonality is right- they are probably mean the tone, but they'll use tonality, which means color or muscial note, in an attempt to sound super-intelligent.
I'm just saying.

Tune in over the next few days for Buzzwords 201.  Advanced linkativity and the ability to grotate to the possimpible are in the pipeline.

By the way, note that all italicized words in the post are not actually real words.